Your tits are I can't wait for
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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