Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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