i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
