yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
