Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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