that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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