i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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