Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
