Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
