The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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