I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
