I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
