Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
