honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
