Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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