thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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