kristin has been a bad kristin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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