When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
