That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
