the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
