i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
