Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
