I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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