At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
