she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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