So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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