I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
