Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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