A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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