can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
