I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sobbing to NWA
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
