respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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