I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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