I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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