I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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