I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize