someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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