I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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