Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
