you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize