life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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