You took a bar mat shot.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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