i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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