Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
