using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
