Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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