We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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