I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
