Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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