ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
