let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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