I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
