im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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