you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this hospital has no fireball
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
