Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
