im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
