billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
