I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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