Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
