Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
