im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
