I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
