You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
