no, he came in my armpit
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
