I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
