He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
