I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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