We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
