bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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