I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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