I am puke
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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