ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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