My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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