I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
