just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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