Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
