Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
