Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize