her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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