Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm too high and old for this...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
