I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
