new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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