I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
