I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
