3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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