DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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