and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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