i think my mom watched the whole time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
