my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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