wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
