you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
