My friends, they love my intelligence
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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