I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
