So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ok first of all what the fuck
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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