I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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