My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hippo gnu deer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
