he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
