the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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