I wish I could punch you in the face.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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