Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Are my feet made of real feet?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize