It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
