I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
